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Little China Girl
The Persistence of Memory 
3rd-Oct-2005 07:34 pm
Sexy Close Up
And you
Bring me to my knees
Again
All the times
That I could beg you please
In vain
All the times
That I felt insecure
For you
But I leave
My burdens at the door

But I'm on the outside
And I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside your ugly
Your ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you

All the times
That I felt like this won't end
Was for you
And I taste
What I could never have
It's from you
All the times
That I've tried
My intentions
Full of pride
But I waste
More time than anyone

But I'm on the outside
And I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside your ugly
Your ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you

All the times
That I've cried
All this wasted
It's all inside
And I feel
All this pain
Stuffed it down
It's back again
And I lie
Here in bed
All alone
I can't mend
But I feel
Tomorrow will be OK





George and I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. We are looking for patterns and faces in the surface above us.

“Look, a monkey,” George laughs and points while he grunts.

“Look, an old woman,” I indicate a spot below the monkey and to the left.

Our search goes on for a long time. We have already made love, twice, but the urge to sleep has not come. We continue to giggle and point.

“Look, there is the two of us, shagging in Neville’s greenhouse,” I say as I motion to the area above the oil lamp.

“No way...well bugger me! It is us.” After a moment of silence George speaks again. “Hey Cho, aren’t you even the least bit embarrassed about what happened Saturday night?”

“No.”

“How come? I mean, I’m a bloke; things like that don’t really get to me. Geezers are always congratulating each other on conquests like that. Not, that I would do that...rot, I didn’t mean it like that.” He covers his face with one of his hands.

“Truth?” I ask as he peeps over and nods. “Well, actually, I really don’t give a flying fuck what people think about me anymore. Not since my sixth year at Hogwarts. I won't let myself care what others think of me anymore.”

“Oh really, now? And what, pray tell, happened during your sixth year that changed you forever?”

“That was the year that Umbridge woman was about. You remember...the year you and Fred flew the coop?”

“Oh,” George chuckles, “I didn’t realize she has such an effect on you...yeah, I remember that year quite well.”

“But no, not really Umbridge...it was not her so much as it was Harry Potter that changed me. After we were through with each other I swore I would never again worry about anything that anyone might think of me for any reason whatsoever.”

George looks at me with a slightly surprised and interested look on his face. “The two of you did shag after all! I knew it! I knew it!” He points a finger very close to my nose and I cannot keep myself from joining his laughter.

“We did NOT shag, you daftie! One very slobbery kiss beneath the mistletoe does not a shag make. I’m talking about the whole deal with my friend, Marietta Edgecombe.” George becomes silent as I continue. “He did not, in so many words, approve of my choice of friends, so to speak.”

“Well, can you blame him? She did sell all of us out.”

“That is just it. I know she did. But you know something, George? I will tell you like I told him; everyone makes mistakes. Everyone breaks the rules at some time. Everyone can become frightened and intimidated by parents, teachers, ministers, headmasters, friends...by anyone...into doing something stupid and selfish just to save your own neck. For Merlin’s sake, Marietta was a sixteen-year-old girl whose mother was pressuring her into a Ministry career. You Gryffindors really get my mad up. You are such hypocrites.”

“Hey there! We are not! She’s the one who was the sneak!”

“Well the lot you ran with back then were,” I retort. “And she was not the only sneak running around at the time. Everything was fine and dandy as long as we were sneaking around for Harry’s sake, under Harry’s tutelage. Gryffs boast about how brave they are and your lot of Gryffs were loyal to each other to the very end. But he lied, and Hermione Granger did too, when they kept the jinx a secret and let us sign that parchment. Marietta was no better or worse than Hermione and when I chose to defend my friend, I was censured for it. My involvement in Dumbledore’s Army made me realize that it is all right to break the rules, as long as you don’t disagree with those in charge over exactly how those rules are to broken. It turned out to be the same with the Order of the Phoenix too. I just felt I had to choose the least of those evils present in the world at the time.”

“Evil, you’re saying that we’re evil? I’m not going to defend Dumbledore’s Army; Fred and I were too caught up in our own little battle with Umbridge...but I lost a brother in the war because I stood with the Order of the Phoenix. You stood with us as well. Don’t tell me you believe that all we gave, all we sacrificed was to fight an evil that was only a bit worse than our own,” he answers in exasperation. I roll toward him to touch his arm and he looks at me with no expression.

“I am sorry. I did not mean to insult you or your brother. My words were too harsh and dogmatic. What I meant to say; what I should have said was that it hurt my heart to know that even the side that is good...many times must achieve its purposes through unethical means and in a similar fashion to that which is evil. I hated the part of me that knew I had to choose to do deceitful things in order to help insure that good was triumphant. It was a means to an end for me...an end that is better than if You-Know-Who had prevailed.” When I finish speaking, I close my eyes and wish that I did not feel this way, that I was not bitter about these things I have done.

George turns toward me. I can tell he is confused and still a little bit hurt. “What do you mean, Cho? What are you talking about?”

I am thinking about that year in school and how insulted I was when Marietta betrayed us. How I defended her and quickly learned about the double standard by which ‘good’ and ‘bad’ are judged. How in the end, I myself chose to live by that double standard.

“Well,” I begin. “I was hurt by Marietta. She betrayed the D.A., yes, but she was my friend and her duplicity cut me in a way none of the other members had to tolerate. Yet I chose to remain faithful to her and our friendship because I know why she did it. She was afraid. She was a coward who would rather follow the rules instead of doing what is right. Have you ever known anyone like that? Someone who follows the rules so closely that it affects their relationships and the people who love them?” I ask.

George will not look at me and I can tell he understands. “Yes, I once knew and loved someone who had that same fixation for following the rules...no matter what the cost.” He finally looks up at me. “You just described my brother, Percy.”

“The one that was killed in the war?” He nods at my question. “Oh, George, I’m so sorry. I didn't realize. It must be hard for you?”

He nods at my question as I take him in my arms. “Go on,” he whispers.

“A few years ago, toward the end of the war, I took part in Obliviating Marietta because she discovered my involvement with the Order and my work for them concerning Portkeys. She threatened to make known my unauthorized work for the Order. Moody advised me that she would jeopardize the cause if she revealed my work and my involvement in the Order, so I volunteered to be the one who performed the charm to erase her memory of that discovery.”

We grow quiet in our thoughts...

“I’m sorry, Cho. I’m sorry you had to do that.” George strokes my hair and gently lifts it around my shoulder so that it lies across my chest. He continues to look at the ends of my long black mane as he softly plays with the tips. He swallows hard and takes a deep breath.

“I’m sorry about Percy. I didn’t know.” I kiss George’s cheek and nuzzle my nose against his.

“Neither did I,” he whispers as he kisses my lips.
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